How to Write a Eulogy (2023)

Writing and giving a eulogy at your loved one’s funeral

Last updated: 22 April 2022

(Video) How to write a eulogy | Bret Simner | TEDxBasel

How to Write a Eulogy (1)

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What is a eulogy?

A eulogy, or funeral speech, is a speech given at a funeral by someone who knew the person who has died. If you are asked to give one, it is an opportunity to pay tribute to the person, by giving a short speech about their life and what they meant to you. It’s regarded as an honour to be asked to give a eulogy for a loved one or friend and if you’ve been asked, a sign that you played an important part in that person’s life.If you’re feeling anxious about the responsibility of getting it ‘right,’ remember that every eulogy is meant to be unique. Although there are guidelines you can follow, writing a eulogy is also about things that come from the heart.

(Video) How to write a eulogy that is moving and powerful.

How to Write a Eulogy

  1. Speak with relatives and loved ones of the person who has died, think about your own experiences with them.
  2. Give yourself time to write and edit down your eulogy to the most appropriate parts. There’s no one size fits all approach to writing a eulogy. Every person is unique so every eulogy will be unique as well. You will have to think a lot about the type of person you are eulogising and how best to communicate that to the people who have come to mourn them.
  3. You may wish to include some of the following:
    • When and where they were born
    • The names of their close family
    • Nicknames
    • How they met their spouse or partner
    • Any military service
    • Favourite poems, songs or quotes
    • Sporting achievements
    • Anything they have contributed to the community
    • Clubs and society memberships
  4. Once you have gathered enough information, you may want to make notes about where each bit will fit in your eulogy, so you have a rough beginning, a middle and an end to work towards.
  5. After you have determined what you want to say, it’s a good idea to practise giving your eulogy. Many people struggle with public speaking, so you are not alone. Read it out loud, either on your own or in front of a trusted friend or family member.
  6. Speak slowly. Everyone wants to hear the words you have prepared. Pause for thought. There may be certain points in the eulogy that deserve a moment of silence for contemplation, or a particular story which makes the audience laugh. Give people eye contact. This may be difficult, but if you mention a close family member by name you may want to scan the first row to make them feel included. Try to stand still. It can be difficult not to fidget when you are nervous, but tapping fingers or feet can distract people from what you are saying.

Who gives a eulogy at a funeral?

Usually the one chosen to give a eulogy at a funeral is someone close to the person who has died. Often children will give a eulogy at their parents' funerals and husbands or wives will give a eulogy at their partners’ funerals.Sometimes the occasion might be too overwhelming for the person closest to them to perform a eulogy, and they may ask another loved one to give a eulogy in their place.

What is the purpose of a eulogy?

The eulogy at a funeral is a way for someone who is close to the person who has died to sum up their life, remind people who have come to mourn about the character of that person, and pay respect to them.

What should be included in a eulogy?

A eulogy can include anything that you think is important. You may want to keep it mostly fact-based, written in chronological order with a small personal note of remembrance at the end. Or, you could base it on personal anecdotes and stories that capture the personality of your loved one. These might even be more lighthearted anecdotes, which often helps the assembly feel more at ease.If you think that a certain story is the most appropriate, as someone close to the person who has died, you’re probably right.Your own and other people’s memories could not only provide things to talk about, but inspire a way of summing up at the beginning and end of the eulogy who they were and what they meant.

(Video) The energy of eulogy: Susan Ann Koenig at TEDxOmaha

Why is a eulogy important?

Hearing a eulogy gives people a way of remembering the important parts of the person they’ve come to mourn. A well written eulogy should not only sum up a person’s life, character and impact, but if possible, it should shed light on less well known aspects of that person.

Examples of a eulogy - what to say

Here are some examples of what you could say in a eulogy:“John was a dedicated family man, who was always there when you needed him.”“Seeing so many people here to say goodbye to Helen today, shows just how loved she was and how much she will be missed.”One of the best ways to begin a eulogy is to talk to family members and close friends about the person who has died. Is there anything that they would like you to include or mention, or a favourite anecdote or story they’d like you to share?Looking through photos could provide inspiration for thoughts about them and things that happened in their life.You may also get inspiration from obituaries and tributes shared online and on social media.

How to get your ideas for a Eulogy together

Mood board – this is a type of collage that can include pictures, text and materials arranged in any order you like. Try adding a photo of your loved one, post-it notes with sayings or phrases written on them, key dates such as marriages or births, maps with important locations marked. This visual reminder of things you want to say about the person who has died may help you as you consider how to write a eulogy.Timeline – there are no rules for writing a eulogy, so you don’t have to get everything in order or precisely dated. But constructing a timeline of the person’s most significant life moments may help you to better decide what to include in your speech.Key words – make a list of words to describe the person. Think of as many words as you can and then highlight which words you think are most fitting. This list can act as a helpful prompt if you become stuck while writing a eulogy.

(Video) How To Write A Eulogy

How long should a eulogy be?

Normally, a eulogy will be around three to five minutes long and take no longer than ten minutes. As to how many words a eulogy should be, that may depend on how quickly you talk. A funeral eulogy of between 500 and 1000 written words will take from around three and a half to seven and a half minutes to speak.Some funeral venues allocate a specific period of time for a funeral. The funeral director should be able to advise you, if you ask how long a eulogy should last, as part of the order of service.

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(Video) Learn how to write a eulogy. Complete eulogy tutorial. Everything you need.

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(Video) How To Write And Deliver A Eulogy Step 1 of 6 - Funeral Speech - A Moment For Yourself Tutorial


What makes a powerful eulogy? ›

The best eulogies are respectful and solemn, but they also give mourners some comic relief. A bit of roasting is fine if it suits who the person was and the family has a sense of humor. Close your eulogy by directly addressing the person who died, something like “Joe, thank you for teaching me how to be a good father.”

What are the three parts main points of a eulogy? ›

Eulogies can take many forms. Some people who deliver a eulogy choose to open with a poem, a religious reading, or a personal anecdote, while others might choose to use these elements as a closing thought. Regardless of which approach you choose, a reliable structure involves three parts: a beginning, middle, and end.

What should you not say in a eulogy? ›

In presenting the eulogy, your role is not to judge or measure the life of the deceased. A remembrance speech is not the platform through which to refer to inappropriate memories or to tell tales. Leave out any mentions of questionable behaviour or long-held grudges.

What is the most important message of a eulogy? ›

A good eulogy highlights the lasting impact of the person on their family and community. Through your speech, you'll have an opportunity to share their unique qualities, as well as the ripple effect of positivity and change they created in the world around them.

What is the most important part of a eulogy? ›

The most important part is to focus on how and why they were important to you; eulogies don't need to be polished and perfect. It can be helpful to step away from a first draft and revisit with a fresh pair of eyes. Share your first draft with friends or family members for their input.

How long is a eulogy usually? ›

A good eulogy is usually between 3-5 minutes long, but can be as long as 10 minutes. This should be more than enough time to include everything you want to say about your loved one, but not so long that you risk losing people's attention.

Who usually reads the eulogy? ›

There is no hard and fast rule as to who should give the eulogy speech at a funeral. It's typically given by those who were particularly close, or had a special relationship with, the loved one who passed. It could be a best friend, a spouse, a child or grandchild, or even a co-worker.

What should a eulogy contain? ›

Your eulogy should include special memories and important details about your loved one. It should also mention what they meant to those who'll be at the funeral. Start off with a short introduction that recognises the people that have come to the funeral.

How do you write a eulogy heartfelt? ›

5 Tips For Writing a Heartfelt Eulogy
  1. Plan to Keep Your Eulogy Brief. ...
  2. Consider Starting With a Short Story. ...
  3. Continue Telling Stories About Your Loved One. ...
  4. Stay Positive at All Times. ...
  5. Have a Copy of Your Eulogy Handy.
May 20, 2019

What is a great eulogy? ›

A eulogy should be a shared experience reflecting on the life of your loved one or family member. Talk to the people who knew your loved one best to build a well-rounded picture of their life. Gather basic facts as well as stories and anecdotes that represent who they were and how they lived.


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